I have figured out what is causing my problems with the Boccherini. Yes, the bowing and rhythms are still tricky, and I’m still learning them with my body. I am discouraged that I’m still in the mechanical state with this piece, and I’m still learning where the notes are. Tonight, I went back to the beginning two lines and just focused.

In focusing, I began to understand why I hadn’t practiced. I was giving myself an excuse for sounding mediocre. If I practice for all I am capable of, I feel vulnerable to voices that say “what are you doing this for?, you’ll never get anywhere so why invest so much energy”. Whereas, if I under-practice, I give myself an excuse to sound bad.

Yes, that is every bit as stupid as it sounds. But by getting it out in writing, solutions begin to present themselves. I need to give this 100% of my hobby time. Yes, it’s still a hobby, but it must be my most passionate one. That means no more video game time, for instance.

Gotta give myself the “anytime, anywhere” practice attitude. After all, the overarching theme of this smackdown blog is “how far can one get after a given time with limited talent, but love of music and diligent practice?”